Adoption reflections

Brokenness and hope. May 2018

Adoption is so many things. I’m hoping to use this space to share some of my thoughts and experiences from our journey with our four children; two by birth and two by adoption.

I believe adoption starts with brokenness, and ends with hope. The brokenness and pain of a birth mum unable to care for her child, the brokenness and longing of an adoptive parent waiting for a child, the brokenness and often trauma of a precious child, needing love and a family.

There are many challlenges, heartaches, joys and laughter along the way,  but ultimately I believe adoption brings hope and healing.  I’m not qualified to speak for the birth Mum, but am only aware of the tumultuous emotions they often go through.  I pray for our children’s birth mum that she would ultimately come to a place of healing and peace, though I’m aware this may take years.

Through loving and secure parenting,  I know there can be healing for the children, and a hope for the future. And for adoptive parents, the hope and joy that a new child brings.

I don’t want to gloss over the tough issues.  It’s not “Anne of Green Gables”, and the majority of children up for adoption in the UK have tragically experienced abuse and/ or neglect, which obviously impacts their behaviour.

However, adoption is central to my Christian faith.  Unlike all other world faiths, as a Christian I don’t need to earn my way into my Heavenly Father’s affection; no amount of good works would ever cancel out the all the wrong in me. But, I don’t need to, as He has adopted me into His family.  He’s paid the price through the death of his Son, Jesus. So, I have a hope and a future as a child of God.

I feel we are only modelling what God has aleady done for us, and we have His infinite resources to help us. Healing for our precious children comes slowly, through knowing they are loved, through “good enough” parenting, through more specialist parenting skills we may discuss later, and through prayer.

All our four children have been so desperately longed for and prayed for. It is a great privilege to be their Mum.

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